Conflict from the Inside, Out

I love conflict!  Well, that’s not entirely true.  I love to talk and train about conflict.  This coming year I want to include not only some of my basic ideas about conflict, but I also hope to challenge you to think about conflict in a very different way.  I’ll be asking you to think of conflict as an opportunity to deepen and improve relationships.  In this next series of From the Eagle’s Nest I’ll be talking about the following areas:

The Basics

In April’s issue I’ll cover my basic ideas about conflict.  These ideas will include the nature of conflict, its paradoxes, where it originates, and the opportunities it presents.  I’ll also talk about the skills you can use to work with conflict productively, and the importance of taking responsibility for your role in conflict.

Too often we see conflict as originating outside ourselves, which leaves us vulnerable and powerless, or desiring to fight back and be the victor.  Instead, I’ll write about the inner nature of conflict and how its internal nature empowers us in relationship building and in interacting with our world as a whole.

Options for Engagement

June’s issue will focus on the options we can choose from for engaging with conflict.  While you may begin with the belief that your only options are fight or flight, you’ll learn that you have a number of other choices for working with conflict, and they are, perhaps, more complex than you think. I’ll share what it means to give up on a conflict and the benefits and ramifications of doing so, and how giving up can affect us and our relationships.  In addition, I’ll talk about how we can “clear” conflicts in a manner that has integrity and ultimately earns respect; how we can leave the conflict unresolved and genuinely let it go; and the reasons for escalating a conflict.  All of these are viable choices when conflict arises.

Your Relationship to Conflict

This phrase refers to the way you see and relate to conflict situations.  In August, I’ll discuss how our beliefs about conflict can determine our willingness and ability to work with conflict effectively.  I’ll cover the sometimes painful but rewarding process of working with your emotions and hot buttons regarding these situations.  I’ll explain the importance of identifying what you want from an encounter.  Empathy and our resistance to experiencing it within conflict situations is also important to address in order to effectively work with conflict.  And I’ll also suggest some communication agreements that you can make with the people in your life with whom you have significant relationships, at home and at work.

Making a Personal Commitment

To me, conflict is not just another relationship issue.  It is the center of what tears us apart, and yet, can bring us together.  When we make conflict in our lives a primary focus, we expand our ability to function effectively and happily in the world.  In October I’ll talk about what it means to make a personal commitment to engage conflict; how you can make the decision to make the dynamics of conflict a centerpiece of your relationships, and what it takes to do that.

Finally

In the last issue of the year, December, I’ll bring all these pieces together, creating a colorful and intriguing mural of what your life could look like through the prism of conflict.  Untimately I hope it will transform not only the way you see yourself, or see those who are important to you, but the way you see and interact with the world.