Holding Things Lightly

 It’s hard to be happy when life seems to be going wrong, or the number of irritating or disappointing events seems out of control.  You can be obsessed with the things that aren’t just the way you want them to be, and lose perspective on your life and on the things that actually are working.  How can you prevent the things that aren’t working from overtaking your life, and gain perspective that allows you to enjoy your life, just as it is?  Let me tell you how I’ve learned to be happy much of the time, regardless of what is going on, by holding things lightly…. 

Make a List

Rather than pushing away those things that bother me, or obsessing about them, I sit and make a list of them.  I make them neither good nor bad, but simply note what they are, noting their seriousness, whether they are long-term or temporary.  I think about how part of the paint on our new house is the wrong color; how I’ve been told (so far) that the builders can do nothing about it; how we will be closing on the house the day before Thanksgiving which may mean we will be moving furniture rather than giving thanks and eating turkey on Thanksgiving Day; how we will have to move quickly since I will be going to California for 10 days, a week after our closing; and the list goes on and on.  My purpose is to face these circumstances head on with curiosity, without judgment, without holding on to them or without trying to make them go away.  I neither indulge my fears nor punish myself for my self-centeredness. I simply make these conditions conscious, and by taking this step, I often feel less constriction or anxiety about what is going on. 

Broadening My Perspective

With less constriction, I am able to expand my reality and perspective.  I think of all the people in the world who are struggling with the building of a home.  Even closer to home (no pun intended), I think of all the people in my life who are suffering:  a relative who is recovering from lung cancer surgery; a friend who will be undergoing surgery soon; another relative who is struggling to live with constant pain; another friend who is dealing with a struggling parent who is trying to live independently.  These are people whom I love and would love to help, but for the most part I can only offer a willing ear and heartfelt prayer.  By looking at their lives, I again don’t discount my own issues or chastise myself.  I simply note that we are all struggling and often, as circumstances are constantly changing, working through our situations as time goes on.  I begin to hold more lightly those situations with which I struggle, and begin to feel my heart open to those around me. 

Opening to the World

As I find myself expanding, I open even farther.  I remind myself of the genocide in Darfur, the people starving in North Korea, their frightened neighbors on the Korean peninsula, the Iraqis and US soldiers dying in Iraq.  I don’t pursue political rants and judgments, but rather let myself feel the sadness and compassion that arise as I see the life and death struggles of people everywhere.  Although feeling this pain and suffering can be difficult, eventually compassion emerges and I feel, no matter how small my struggles happen to be at this moment, that I am connected to this suffering and, therefore, to people all over the world.  I am no longer alone in my struggles, but I share the struggles of the whole universe. 

What next comes up is always amazing to me:  when I acknowledge my struggles, the struggles of friends and family and those of the entire world, the pain and suffering I’ve felt are transformed by gratitude, a joy for being alive, and humility for how resilient the human condition can be.  What began as a constricted and unhappy perspective has changed into gratitude and happiness for being alive.

You Can Hold Things Lightly

When I woke up today, I began thinking of the time I had on my hands to worry about the state of events in my life.  By doing this exercise I’ve described, my concerns faded into the background, and I began to appreciate how I have the luxury before my home is finished to reflect on this issue of From the Eagle’s Nest; how I will have time to read a book a friend gave to me and plan on discussing it with her; how I will finally have time to go through a comprehensive training program on DVD; and how I will spend a few moments experiencing gratitude for all of you who read this ezine and are willing to reflect on holding things lightly in your life.  Thanks.