Perhaps you’ve heard the statement, “A butterfly flapping its wings in China can cause a hurricane (earthquake, tornado, tropical storm…) on the other side of the world.”  This statement is not just a casual or metaphorical comment about nature’s conflicts and the devastation they cause; it’s an accepted scientific comment based on a law of physics.  Scientists are stating that everything is interconnected.  We certainly see this clearly in the media, through radio, television, movies, newspapers and magazines, how one piece of information can stimulate reactions and actions all over the world.  But there is also a more subtle way to understand the nature of conflict.  Do you realize that not just impersonal activities can impact the entire world?  Are you prepared to contemplate that your actions related to conflict (or lack of actions) impact the entire world?

    It’s natural for you to look at the ways you work with conflict in a limited way; whatever you do seems to impact only those around you.  But if you stop to think about it, however you treat those people in your life will have a direct impact on how they think, feel and act.  You may only have a subtle impact, but the effects are nevertheless felt.  However those people are affected will determine, in even a small way, how they treat other people, and how those people treat others…and that original interaction radiates exponentially through myriads of people whom you know nothing about--all due to how you handled a conflict interaction in one moment of time.

    Now I’m not trying to make you paranoid, nor do I want to encourage narcissism.  The fact is, though, that your decisions about how to work with conflict can potentially affect the world.  If you’re willing to accept this premise, what can you do with this understanding?

    First, you can realize that it’s not all about you.  Yes, I know you acknowledge this intellectually, but most of us are willing to admit that we are primarily preoccupied with our own lives:  our fears, our comfort, our happiness.  There’s nothing “wrong” about your attitude, but when it comes to conflict, you might consider that how you deal with conflict affects more than you or the people immediately around you.  If you don’t handle a conflict well, it involves other people and their wellbeing.  And their lack of wellbeing may well ripple out to their relationships with others.

    It’s not so much that the whole world is depending on your handling conflict well; it’s more like your having an opportunity to bring just a little peace or relationship building or understanding to the world.  Just by taking a deep breath, being curious, empathic and patient when a conflict arises, you can make a difference in how conflict manifests in the world.

    Your handling conflict well also can bring trust into your relationship with others who are recalcitrant.  Simply by working with a conflict constructively, even with your worst enemy, you plant a seed of trust.  There are also people who see only the darkness in the world, and are reluctant to trust anyone.  When you treat people respectfully and kindly (in spite of their difficult behavior), you can create a tiny crack in the barriers those people have built to protect themselves from the world.  They may maintain the barrier with others for a long time, but it can sometimes be penetrated if you behave skillfully during a conflict situation with them.  The key is not to expect overnight or obvious changes in another person, and if changes occur, they may be very subtle.  But in planting those seeds of trust, you also may have lessened their fear and resistance to working with you, and maybe eventually to working with others.