From the Eagle’s Nest Ezine

Redefining our Perceptions of the Material World

                The paradox of our century is that we often condemn people who are obsessed with material possessions and the material world, but we are also unconscious about our own preoccupation with the material.  Every day people sacrifice their integrity for job security, over-extend themselves for image-building trappings, and organize their life goals around the things they can acquire, in order to live the “ideal life.”

                Doing all these things isn’t always a matter of being unhealthy or unethical.  It also demonstrates what we are willing to sacrifice in order to feel safe and comfortable; in order to feel superior to others; and in order to feel good about ourselves.  Not only do we sacrifice a lot for these desires, but also it is our attachment to the material world that causes us to suffer in the long run.  Let me show you what I mean:

What are We Seeking?

            When we set our sights on excessively acquiring things, we often take these steps because we feel empty inside.  We feel we are missing something, that there is a hole in our hearts, an emptiness in our souls, and we are desperate to feel better about ourselves.  So we buy things, sometimes overextending ourselves, to banish these threatening and uncomfortable feelings.  We may feel better for a while, but the sense of loss always re-appears.  We also collect new things because we sometimes feel that we have “less than others”—that they are happier than we are, more satisfied, more admired.  And we try to credit others’ satisfied state (or what looks like satisfaction from an outsider’s point of view) to something of substance, something that we can see, those things they talk about—their cars, trips, jobs, clothes--and we find ourselves in a race with them to see if we can be just as happy as, or happier, than, they are.

            In spite of our continual efforts to find solace in acquiring things, we continue to suffer and desire even more.  Our thirst for peace is insatiable, but we don’t know what to do differently.  So we quest on.

How Attached are We?

                I like my things.  They do give me comfort.  The art in my home, my music CD’s, my books—these are all things that I enjoy and continue to shop for.  But I believe it is not the things in themselves that are bad or wrong:  it is my attachment to them.  Certainly if I am robbed, there will be a terrible period of violation and loss.  This reaction would be normal.  But if in losing those things, I feel as if I have lost part of myself, it is worth looking at the level of attachment or identification I have with those things that have been taken.  Do I feel as if a part of me has disappeared with them?

                I remember talking to two women at different times whose homes had burned down.  One woman had lost her home two years before.  In our conversation, she was still obsessed with losing her home and the things in it.  She could speak of nothing else.  The second woman lost her home in the Laguna Beach fires six months earlier.  Although the loss was devastating (I’m sure), she had already reached a level of peace and detachment, realizing that who she was had not vanished in that fire.  She had lost some precious possessions, her business computer, and the loss was unbelievably inconvenient.  But she was also able to see the learning about loss and attachment that she had experienced, and paradoxically had so completely allowed herself to experience her loss that she was able to gradually begin to let it go and move on.  There was nothing “wrong” with the first woman I described; I only regretted seeing the enormous suffering she was experiencing, because of her attachment to the material.

So How do We Work with the Material World?

                It isn’t the material things you seek or acquire that cause your suffering:  it is your motivation to collect them and your attachment to them.  So why not ask yourself the real reason for seeking those things—what is the feeling that you are trying to assuage or eliminate or experience?  What do you really want?  What is truly missing?  Do you really feel comforted, fulfilled and happy in a deep and profound way when you add to your stockpile of possessions?  To what degree is your identity attached to the things you have?  Do you feel as if you would disappear if all of it disappeared?  Give yourself time to visit these questions ongoingly.  Discuss them with friends and family.  Don’t just ask the questions but experience how you feel about even asking them.  Where do you feel them in your body?  What do they feel like:  fear, uneasiness, sadness, loneliness?  These are not only difficult questions to ask yourself, but can you open yourself to the answers?

                Whatever comes up from your experience, don’t make it bad or wrong.  Appreciate that you are willing to go on this self-exploration and ask these deep questions about the material and how it contributes to the ideal life.  If you find yourself unwilling to stay in that place of curiosity and questioning, don’t worry about it; it’s only natural to resist.  But also realize that life offers you much more in terms of fulfillment and satisfaction.  You just need to open yourself to life’s answers.

As always, I encourage you to send in your comments for each issue, positive or negative, agreeing or disagreeing, so that an exchange of ideas might take place.  You can respond to any issue at susan@thequinncompany.com.  Thank you for allowing me to continue to share my ideas!

Susan R. Quinn of the Quinn Company has been an independent consultant and trainer since 1978.  She specializes in facilitation of problem solving for teams and groups in conflict.  She is certified to train using the DiSC Personal Profile System.  Her other best-received training programs are “Dealing with Difficult People,”  “Managing Conflict,” and “Learning to Live in the Eye of the Hurricane.”  She also offers values clarification workshops, and strategic planning services in partnership with her husband, Jerry.  You can reach Susan at the Quinn Company, 246 Via Presa, San Clemente, CA  92672, (949) 366-5890, or email susanquinn@earthlink.net.

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