Redefining Our Life Circumstances

    How do you see your life right now?  Do you work with people who enrich your life and support you?  Or are some of your colleagues disappointing, frustrating, difficult, unsatisfying and boring?  Or are your co-workers described by all of these factors, depending on the moment?  Most of us probably experience all of these, depending on the circumstances and our state of mind.  In this issue, I’m going to suggest that you expand on the labels you give to the people in your life, or re-define the way you look at your life circumstances, no matter how you see them at the moment.  The opportunity you’ll have is to truly appreciate your life, just as it is.

It’s Not About Doing More or Doing Less

    You can certainly choose to enrich your life, to give some things up, or to live a more balanced life:  learn to do something you’ve always wanted to do; streamline your activities so that you are not pre-occupied with meaningless and time-consuming tasks.  In re-defining your life, however, I’m not talking about your getting more or doing less of anything.   I’m talking about viewing your life, and living your life from a different perspective.  Let me give you a personal example.

    I’ve had a number of stressful events in the past year, and it’s taken a toll on my health—nothing life threatening or serious, but it’s forced me to take a close look at how I view my physical and mental well-being, and how I take care of myself.  Now I have experienced many different thoughts and feelings around my health: why me, why now, concerns about how I adapt to stress, the long-term impact of how I handle stress, personally and professionally, adjustments that I can make; also feelings of frustration and helplessness, disappointment that all my efforts to take care of myself or be more accepting of others were not enough, and finally, fear about the long-term implications.  My reactions sound pretty normal, under the circumstances, don’t you think?  But if I allow myself to be stuck in these patterns of thoughts and feelings, I will miss the chance to appreciate my life, with all it offers me; I will be too busy wondering what I did wrong in the past, or worrying about what I should do differently in the future.  I don’t want to make it “wrong” that I’m responding this way—that label just adds to my emotional load.  But there are things I can do to redefine the way I see my life and enjoy all that it has to offer.

What We Can All Do

    Once I am past the point of obsessing about my current condition, I can simply notice what I’m doing:  oh, I’m obsessing about my stress again, now I’m worrying, now I’m afraid, now I’m frustrated.  I don’t need to do anything about those thoughts and feelings; I just need to notice them.  By briefly noticing them and giving them the attention they demand (without getting caught up in creating a whole story about each one of them), they start to lose their power.

    I can also come to terms with what is underneath my worrying:  that life is temporary, that I’m getting old, that in spite of all my efforts my body is wearing out, that eventually my mind may lose some of its acuity, that I don’t know how I will respond to stress in the future.  Rather than labeling these reflections as depressing, they remind me that I can also appreciate my maturity, my mellowing in my attitude toward my work and in my relationships toward others, my growing patience with those I care about, my expanding curiosity about life.  When I have disappointments tied to my health or condition, and when I can’t ignore my growing limitations, I can pay attention to the lessons those reminders teach me:  that life is precious; that when I slow down, I can take the time to notice, really notice, my life unfolding before me; that I can take a deep breath and enjoy a cloudless sky, jasmine blooming, a hummingbird protecting its feeder.  Noticing these seemingly small things allows me to notice more and more of what is occurring in my life, my reactions to these occurrences, my rejection of some things, my embracing of others.  Whatever I feel about my life is not “good” or “bad.”  But I can choose to celebrate all these precious aspects of my life, whether I always like them or not, and I can say, “Thank you life, for whatever you offer me each day.”

    So the ideal life is not the perfect, trouble-free life.  It’s your life, with its ups and downs, frustrations and rewards, joys and sorrows.  Can you welcome all of it as a gift?  Will you?